letter

Happy New Year

(I wrote this in the first few hours of 2015. For some reason I’m only publishing it now.)

Happy new year!
Year, tear, steer, fear
Far – near
There! That’s all the useless rhymes
Out of way – now maybe I can write
The irregular details and discordant –
Facts, the things that don’t rhyme
But are – most important
I wished we could bike together on the eve –
Of the new year, and with stereos strapped to our bikes, sing:
“Happy new year, you assholes!” –
sing until our hearts bleed a little;
the spittle from our mouths would tell me maybe,
maybe we’re singing loud enough –
baby, I don’t –
I don’t breathe anymore until
My lungs stutter asking after you –
asking my brain if you’re okay at that moment – but even better:
my brain sends back down a letter
signed off and wax-stamped, in which my brain cells utter:
“It’s alright, breathe, take in another,
She’s alive – she dances –
Like a beautiful feather!”

Back to normal now, back to, back to:

I Iove her at length; a length:
like the width of the world, or the approximate distance from
From the hot-blooded South –
to the Nether!
I love her – but to another,
I bet I seem insane; then again, since when do rich stomachs feel those that suffer –
that eat themselves
Because fois gras fucking isn’t on offer?

What does anyone but me know of loving – without measure?
My endeavor is long!
Scars crawl into my skin and slither
Snake-paths into my flesh, and whether –
I carry the map of my battleground on my chest,
or on the walls – of my heart – drawn blood pictograms
and tissue fissure; I don’t forget:
My endeavor is long, sir,
But my end is treasure!

I’ll give you my two-cents – I swear,
it makes sense that she’s – a perfectionist,
because the tide may leave the shore and abandon its home –
but it always comes back to where its roots were sown.
It makes sense –
that she’s a perfectionist – because she – like the tide –
probably just misses her own kind.

.