Dictatorship For Dummies

Note: during the Egyptian revolution, a joke was made about there being a book called “Dictatorship For Dummies” because of them using the same tactics. That was the inspiration for this post.
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Who are you?

If your answer is an up and coming politician/army officer interested in dictatorship then this is just the book for you! We’ll help enslave your very own country and people without as much as you lifting a finger!

First, you’ll have to work on your image. The “man of the people” archetype will prove most beneficial in your case. You’ll have to shake lots of hands (and don’t forget to sanitize later) along with the occasional kissing of a baby and enjoying a football game with your subjects. Don’t worry, it’ll soon be over.

Now, onto money. With you controlling state funds, this will be relatively easy to procure. Think nothing of taking it, you’re one big family and what’s theirs is yours. It’s better off in your possession anyway.

Flamboyant outfits are also a must. Be they suits with your name imprinted on them or ever-flowing lengths of fabric wrapped around you in an uncontrollable mess (Gaddafi chique, anyone?) is up to you. Just make sure you look the part. After all, you represent your people. It’s imperative that you look your best.

Speaking of Gaddafi, that man is so great he lives in AND wears tents. As good as he is, though, always aspire to better. You owe it to yourself.

It’s also essential that you build a formidable police force, one that surpasses even the army in immensity and force. Always remember, you’re protecting them from themselves. Who knows what they’ll get up to if you let them seize control of the lives! Your judgment is paramount, remember that.

Surround yourself with a host of like-minded people. A dictator is only as good as his chief torturer/business tycoon buddies. So let them know you’re grateful. Your gratitude can take many forms: colossal tax cuts, lofty positions in parliament and political parties and even the occasional bail out of jail. (they’re crazy people but you love them anyway) You owe them that much.

Again, the choice is yours.

Now, I am saddened to inform that your good, benevolent deeds will not be appreciated. Some bad seeds will try to cause civil unrest and even go as far as call for your ouster.

Ungrateful bastards! How dare they?!

They will soon start to rebel. Rest assured, if it does happen , it’ll be driven by foreign powers who wish for your detriment. (what you have done to deserve this, I don’t know) Your people love you.

Always remind them of how much they love you, how you’ve relentlessly and selflessly served them and how much of an upright father figure you are to them. Anyway, these filthy ingrates will try to do it anyway because you’ve been too good to them.

The way of the dictator is one where you’ll manipulate many people but never forget, it’s a one man game. See to it that that’s you.

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